


Overthought

by actualyarnqueen



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, and that's what our boy's doing, anxious people overthink like it's going out of style, but also fluff, mostly anxious wreck Yuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 16:54:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8761321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/actualyarnqueen/pseuds/actualyarnqueen
Summary: Victor wanted to surprise Yuri more than Yuri had surprised him, he was successful in that. Now, in the aftermath of his surprise, Yuri should be happy! But getting caught up in his head has always been his biggest weakness...





	

**Author's Note:**

> Be gentle it's my first time!! 
> 
> I've been writing fic and RP and stuff for ages but I've never published it this publicly before oh god. 
> 
> I wrote this out of spite. I hope you like it!

God, the reporters were clinging to them like leeches. Victor's "surprising" display had set his entire fan base, no, the skating _world_ on fire, everyone wanted a scoop. Unfortunately, that meant they were trying to take a bite out of Yuri too. As if he wasn't dealing with enough trying to sort his thoughts out as the adrenaline cooled, he had to make it through the crowds of reporters as well.

Victor was steadfast against them, though. When he led Yuri aside with an arm around his shoulders and scolded the crowd of microphones and flashing cameras that Yuri needed rest, they actually listened! Like the red sea, the ocean of reporters parted around them. Victor walked ahead without hesitation, smiling and waving and offering brief words here and there toward various camera lenses.

Yuri's head was swimming. He could only follow Victor's lead while the events of the day tumbled over and over in his mind. Was he smiling for the cameras? What did his face look like? He couldn't find control of his expression. Hopefully he didn't look as dazed as he felt.

"Ahh, we should celebrate! We probably won't find a good pork cutlet bowl here, but there's still plenty of good food in China..." Victor chirped happily as they settled into the backseat of their provided transportation. Yuri barely heard him, leaning back heavily against the seat of the car.

"Do you think we could go back to the hotel? I'm pretty tired since I didn't sleep..." He murmured, glancing tentatively at his coach. He hated to disappoint Victor, but the thought of doing anything but going back to a bed he could dive face-first into was too much after the day he'd had.

Yuri didn't miss the glimmer of concern that passed over Victor's expression, the way his easy smile disappeared for just a heartbeat. "Of course you are. We can celebrate tomorrow." The smile that returned as he spoke was a softer one, understanding. He gave the request to the driver, and the car pulled away.

Two down, one to go before the Grand Prix finals.

Yuri closed his eyes and sighed quietly, trying to get his shoulders to relax. The competition was over, shouldn't he be able to breathe easy for at least one day? No, where the stress from competing had ebbed away, a thousand other worries flowed in to take its place, and these were all much more personal.

Vaguely, he was aware that Victor was talking about something. The competition in Russia? No, his performance today?  He couldn't pull himself close enough to earth to get a grasp on it. Hopefully Victor didn't ask any questions.

"Yuri? _Yuri_. Did you fall asleep?" A gentle hand jostling his shoulder forced him back to reality, blinking rapidly as he adjusted. Looking around, the car had stopped, and Victor was smiling at him patiently. "We're back at the hotel. Sorry to wake you, I thought you would be embarrassed if I carried you in."

It was impossible to tell if Victor was joking or if he meant it when he said things like that. He had gone through with the kiss after mentioning it before...

Yuri slipped a hand under his glasses to rub his eyes. "I'm good." He mumbled, still hazy, but making his way out of the car nonetheless.

Their hotel rooms were adjacent to each other, but fortunately not connected. It just took a casually quicker pace to turn a corner ahead of Victor, and slip into his hotel room alone. The solid click of the door locking behind him promised him solace, and he felt his shoulders truly relax for the first time all day. Alone.

Alone, to fall backwards onto the bed and stare up at an unlit ceiling. As appealing as changing into pajamas sounded, the weight of his thoughts kept him in place. Fingertips found their way to his lips with no conscious command. They remembered Victor's lips too clearly, was his stomach full of butterflies or weighed down with dread? Why couldn't he tell the difference?

The same hand's light touch turned to a flat palm against his face, dragging upward to push his glasses up and off. The sharp, clear edges in the room blurred slightly, softening just a little. If only he could soften the sharp corners in his mind.

He couldn't deny it anymore. That was the real trouble here--that's what got to him. A person could believe anything if he heard it enough, even _I don't have feelings for my idol Victor Nikiforov_ , even if the person he had to convince was himself. He'd almost convinced himself of it completely before that damned kiss.

He couldn't even lie to himself about it anymore. How could he face Victor?

Victor, who was free and open with affection and never shied away from touching him. Victor, who offered to be his lover like someone offered to buy an extra coffee from the vending machine. Victor, that managed to bring out extremes he didn't even know he had...

Yuri rolled onto his stomach to groan into the duvet.

The kiss was probably nothing to Victor. He'd said himself--he just wanted to surprise Yuri. Mission accomplished. As easily as physical affection came to Victor, a kiss probably didn't mean anything in itself. That was certainly better than some of the possible meanings running through the skater's mind. A kiss having meaning didn't promise _good_ meaning.

Victor was far from a conventional coach, and he knew how Yuri struggled with confidence. What if Victor thought being romantic with him would improve his confidence, making him skate better? Or even worse, give him experience to reference for his Eros performance?

He wanted to wave those thoughts away, say _no, Victor wouldn't do that,_ but he did make him cry for the sake of his performance...

That kiss had made him so happy in the moment. Now he just wanted to scream. It would have been better if Victor had just let him fall on his face like he did with the stupid nosebleed, at least then he'd have a better idea of where they stood...

A knock at the door sent him sitting up with a jolt, reaching for his glasses with one hand and covering the damp patch on the duvet where his face was with the other. "Uh, yes? Hello?"

"Yuri, it's me. Will you let me in?" Victor's voice was quiet and smooth, the way it always was when they spoke of serious matters. Yuri's stomach sank.

Reluctantly, he heaved his weight off the bed, standing unsteadily. The day and his lack of rest had weighed on him more than he realized. "I'm coming." He called as he took his time crossing the room.  Hastily, he took off his windbreaker and tossed it in a chair, hoping to look somewhat more settled than he actually was.

It wouldn't do any good, though. By the time he opened the door, Victor's brow was already furrowed with worry. How did he see right through him before he even saw him?

"Yuri. Something's wrong, isn't it? You did well today, but you're not happy." Victor let himself in as he spoke, wearing his worry plainly on his face. He'd seemed perfectly at ease in the car, chattering away whether Yuri listened or not, but he'd known that something wasn't right even then, hadn't he? Victor's hand was soft around Yuri's wrist, tugging him away from the room's narrow entryway to sit at the foot of the bed.

"Tell me what's going on. If you're still upset about what I said before, if I shouldn't have kissed you, whatever it is--"

"N-No!" Yuri blurted, immediately realizing he had no words to follow. For a moment, he floundered, looking away in anxious distress. "It wasn't bad. The kiss, it wasn't bad. I just don't know what it meant. I don't know what you meant when you did it."

Victor's patient even expression never faltered as Yuri grasped for his words. Yet another moment of him standing with a hand outstretched waiting however long it took for Yuri to meet him halfway.

"What did you want it to mean, then?" He asked, head tilting slightly with the question.

Yuri's heart sank. Those worst case scenarios flared to the forefront of his consciousness. "Don't say that!" he exclaimed, louder than he meant to. It must have been louder than Victor expected too, for his blue eyes widened and he leaned back slightly with the surprise. Yuri remembered himself and deflated slightly. "Don't say that. Don't just--decide to go along with whatever I want it to be. How pathetic is that? It's no better than dating someone out of pity." He couldn't look at Victor as he spoke, and the prickly heat of embarrassment crept up his neck to his face with every word.

"If you meant anything by it, it should be because you wanted to, not because of me." Yuri finished, finally managing to look at Victor, if only partially. His heart thundered in his chest, terrified of the response he would get. He didn't directly confess anything in what he said, but it wouldn't take a genius to read in between the lines. Victor was perceptive, no doubt he'd pick up on it.

After a long moment, Victor chuckled, and Yuri's heart stopped for a moment from the shock. "But what if I want to kiss you because of you? Because of your determination and conviction? Because of your kindness and the way you smile? Because of the way you don't listen to me even though I'm your coach?" Victor's smile warmed, his eyes soft and gentle, and a hand lifted to touch Yuri's face. "What if I want to kiss you because you've made me fall for you?"

Taking the words in, Yuri could hardly breathe. Doubts still echoed in the back of his mind, but now he refused to listen to them. They were murmurs in the crowd, none of them mattered as long as Victor's eyes were on him--and Victor wasn't looking away. His hands might have been trembling, but he wasn't afraid anymore.

He reached for the collar of Victor's shirt and kissed him like his life depended on it. 


End file.
